Fear of Being Alone
The Fear of Being Alone
Nobody likes to be alone at anytime in their life even when it happens at times for everyone. Finding that special someone can be a nightmare with all the disappointments along the way. These are mistaken relationships about our Love just makes us stronger according to everyone except the injured party.
This is very true for people with Chronic Diseases as Depression works against them at failures even when it’s not their doing. Since I am one person here is my experiences with relationships until now from before being Diagnosed with my M.S.
I have been married to what I thought was the one and only, was I ever wrong as I messed up in a big way. Did I learn from the Divorce? I learned more about myself than my ex-wife emotionally anyways until money became an issue and my happiness. The part I did learn was not to get in a rush to be married again. I had a Common Law partner the next time for longer than my marriage and the lady was not divorced nor trying to get one. Learning to guard my possessions more as I lost everything I worked for while I worked.
My problem with relationships was when I was depressed I turned to work and forgot about my home life as that was the depressing place. I did not have good luck finding my honest partner as the next one was the same. Never speaking about the problems we had without fighting. The last relationship I tried she was not allowed to move in because of calling me frail the moment we met in person which was the wrong way to start off. Coming to realize I could not be alone even tho it seemed I should be alone to survive. Being single for 5 years now I am just getting a business started online so I can keep what I earn from it but the depression is still there.
This is what I have learned since my divorce I have what I call ”the fear of being alone” and the wanting to be needed syndrome. The next step is trust.
My M.S. is hard for some because of the unknown and what could happen to me emotionally and physically. There are many who can have a happy relationship then there are some who prefer to be alone. I fit in the middle with wanting one but have not found that someone with enough patience to handle my mood swings.
How can I expect someone to handle my moods when I have trouble with them myself?
30/08/09
Relationships and I do not seem to mesh or work out to anything but pain because I am not sure who, what or why I am in life. Being in so many relationships that went sour makes me wonder if I am to be happy with someone.
I have come to understand what it is to be alone without planning it. to begin with at the start. My relationships seem to go sour after the first month to a year all because of trust issues.
There is a Lady I have been speaking with for over 3 years now who has not turned tail and run due to my moods and she has seen many different ones. She has been there thru good and bad times with me and stayed around to see the end results that occur.
This is the type of Lady I have looked for many years and will be with when I can settle down my M.S. from Progressing. So in the end I will not be alone when I leave this lifetime.